


Yes! We Have No Bananas

by actonbell



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bananas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5150705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actonbell/pseuds/actonbell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone in MCU fandom is contractually obligated to write a banana story. This one is mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yes! We Have No Bananas

At one point during a maintenance session on The Arm that had become routine, but was still tricky, Tony had ducked out for a specialized tool that was kept in a lab he didn't really like other people going in anyway -- and that Bucky had probably seen some HYDRA-ified version of in his nightmares too, poor bastard -- and when he came back, somehow Steve had slipped past both security and all reasonable expectations of privacy. He was standing there looking down at his own personal stolen piece of art from the Gallery of Russian Ice Sculpture with that nervewracking Saddest Golden Retriever in the World expression, patting Bucky's metal shoulder gently.

Tony scowled at him. "You know, for someone who's supposed to be the moral backbone of the country you're way too fucking good at sneaking around. What is it this time? Did someone _snipe_ the last original Bucky Bear away from you on eBay?" 

"It's just the fucking bananas," Bucky said, looking away, pale and haunted. "They don't -- " 

"Not again with the goddamn bananas. Look, me and Bruce could probably genetically analyze -- " 

"You don't understand," Bucky hissed. Tony stopped short. 

"Everyone thinks it's how they taste," Steve stepped in gently. "It's really the skins...." 

Tony sighed but folded his arms, putting on his okay-I'm-listening-to-your-incredibly-dumb-tangent-out-of-the-goodness-of-my-heart-before-I-get-back-to- _work_ face. (Pepper had named it.) "What about the skins?" 

Bucky turned the full force of his Winter Soldier stare on him and growled, _"They're not as durable anymore."_

Tony's face was blank for a moment, then horrified, then willfully blank again. "Durable...." he said in a tiny, appalled voice. 

"Not even when we tried putting the ribbed superstrong condom on it," Steve put in, his eyes so big and blue and appealing he looked like something out of a cartoon. "Several condoms, actually." 

"I'm not here," Tony rapidly decided, "none of us are here, I'm in bed, having a horrible nightmare, and any minute Pepper will wake me up. You bastards." He backed swiftly out of the lab and collided with Bruce, who smiled in his gently kind, absentminded way. 

"Oh hey Tony," he said softly, and Tony saw he was holding up his StarkPhone. 

(Tony's outright, _"absolutely permanent"_ ban on banana bread in the cafeteria and downtown coffee shop lasted only a couple of days before the customer service department head threatened to quit under the avalanche of complaints.)

**Author's Note:**

> Gallery of Russian Ice Sculpture: http://wowmoscow.net/place/gallery_russian_ice_sculpture I am pretty sure Tony's head is full of stuff like this.
> 
> Benny Goodman and his Rhythm Makers, "Yes! We Have No Bananas" (1935) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf_mn3-0xt8


End file.
